Do you ever feel in life that everything is passing by so fast you can't get a grip on anything, that it's hard to even breathe? The past few months I have been debating a very big decision for my and Mike's future. I feel like whenever I have big decisions to make in my life it occupies my thoughts so entirely that I sometimes forget to stop and breathe and enjoy the fabulous life I have. With graduation from dental school so near around the corner I have really debated what I want to do in my future. I've always said that after school I would jump right into practicing dentistry, so that I could get a handle on the incredible $$$ debt load I've acquired and start my family. Many of my close girlfriends have welcomed recently or will be welcoming new darling additions to their families. This makes the mothering instinct in me burn so strong and I get so baby hungry wanting to have little ones of my own....
This last November an opportunity arose for me to partake in a residency program at a near by hospital. I talked with the current residents at that time and immediately found myself questioning everything I'd ever thought about a residency after dental school. I all of the sudden found myself having this overwhelming feeling of professional obligation to my future patients and to myself to pursue further education. This "feeling" had me really torn up inside. I felt guilty for wanting to saturate myself for one more year in my profession to benefit both my knowledge and my patients quality of care, when I also want so badly to be a mommy. This felt like such a big decision to me. I didn't want to feel like a selfish person. I've never really had a desire to be the breadwinner, or to be a business woman...this made me feel like that is what I would be. Thank goodness for supportive family and friends who have let me bounce my thoughts off of them and listen to my inner struggles. I can now breathe again. We decided that one more year of school would be an amazing opportunity, and I really do want to be the best dentist I can. My ability to treat my patients with the best possible care is so important to me. I hate the stigma that dentists have of being so feared, and I hope I can somehow change that for a few people.
So after much debating, I applied two months late to the Residency here, and found out last week that I was accepted! It was a sign that it was meant to be if I procrastinated the decision long enough to really put me out of the running, and they still liked me more than other applicants they were mulling over. I love my life and feel so blessed right now, I have so much to be grateful for, incredible friends, fabulous family, and one man of a husband. Seriously blessed.
Now that I'm breathing again, maybe you'll see the many posts I wanted to sit down to write, and just didn't get to. I hate when I'm such a bad blogger.
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8 comments:
Congratulations! That is very exciting. It sounds like you've done all the right things in making this decision, and you certainly WILL be blessed.
And any time you need to satisfy your baby hunger, I'll send Summer right over. :)
Congratulations! That is awesome! By the way, Jon had so much fun going to the BYU game with your hubby yesterday. We really miss our Wisconsin friends...you guys should come visit us more often! :)
You made a wise decision, but remember, whatever decision you make will be the right one for your family. You will be blessed many times over for making this decision, I guarantee it. And don't feel bad about the mommy thing. You will know when it's the right time. I don't know how many times Pete and I have had to rely on the Lord in helping us make these hard decisions (too many to count). Pete is SO GLAD he did a residency, and it will put you that much farther ahead of your other classmates. Call us anytime you need to vent! We miss you!
That's really great news, congratulations! Things will happen the way they're meant to.
Congratulations... I am so happy for you!!
Good choice Jess. I've LOVED my residency, and been able to do stuff that I never dreamed of doing. It's not like dental school. At school, it's a lot of luck, and it seems the more you put into it, the more you bang your head into a brick wall and just frustrate yourself. The residency is a whole different learning. Study a procedure you want to do, and ask to do it. Show your knowlege, and they can't say no...I feel like I've been practicing for 5 or more years, and wouldn't trade this extra year for any other training I've ever had in ANYTHING. It's been wonderful. Gimme a call sometime, I've got a few suggestions for ya as you get started.
I loved reading the progression of your thoughts- and thrilled that it's working out for you. Like Karen said- I've got two kids that would surely love another "aunt" if you need your mommy void filled!!
That's great! What an exciting opportunity for you. There will be time for the rest... :)
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